The Discard Phase

When I found the number I was mortified, instantly I ran upstairs to the bathroom and asked 'Why is ___ number in your phone?' and his face made the expression only of a man defeated. I went back to our room and he took ages to come downstairs and face what I had found.

He eventually came downstairs and I striked him.

He said very little till now I cannot remember him uttering one word, no explanation, no apology just his which presence which left and returned to the room. Then suddenly he reached for his money and keys and went to the car got in and said he was leaving.

I got into the car and he told me another lie about how he came to possess the number

'You're lying please just tell me' I pleaded at this point he began to beat his head into his steering wheel 

'I've told you I've fucking told you' 

After around an hour of getting no where I returned inside I was crying and he was silent he said not one word showed no empathy or sympathy.

He got dressed and said 

'I'm going to look for a new car'

And left.

Buying a new car became more important than consoling me the girl he apparently 'loved',

when I first caught him courting another girl behind my back the first thing I did was comfort him before my self, I always put him before me and he wasnt prepared to do the same.

I was abandoned.

My brother came to pick me up I came home, for the next few days we both mutually attempted some reconciliation and then I opened an email which read

'I dont want it any more we dont work we will never work'

  

Naturally I begged and pleaded 

'Please' 'Give me a chance' 'I gave you a chance' 'What did I do wrong?' 

But why was why I pleading? Why did I feel like I had to be given a chance because I had done nothing wrong.

We met up once to sort out a personal matter and when I got in the car he looked evil his face looked so unpleasant to the point that I found it hard to even look at him because it wasnt the guy I fell in love with.
I asked 'Are you glad were over' to which he replied 
'I'm not here to answer questions'

He stopped talking to me cut all contact changed his number.

And then he turned up at my house 

in a new car with new clothes new tattoos and he looked different back to the old guy I had met slimmer fresher like a new person not the person I knew and thought I loved.
He was the same yet so different.

It was as if he had pressed the reset button on himself.

Comments are welcome.

The Over Evaluation Stage

* For reference this relationship had a span of 5 months,during which I experienced all levels of the Narcissistic relationship.

The Over Evaluation Stage

Myself and my ex boyfriend officially began dating on the 6th of January 2014. 

We had been talking for the previous 2-3 weeks online and immediately I felt an instantaneous connection to him. We used the same words, the same phrases, enjoyed the same music, had the same approach to life and how we viewed things to the point that we could even finish each others sentences. I really began to believe I had found the one, my soul mate, the person whom I had been searching for since the end of my previous 4 year relationship. 

I recall the first time we spoke on the phone. The flowing conversation of our text conversations were completely translated, we spoke for up to 8 hours nearly every other day and even when I hung up I still felt as though I had endless things to say to him. I couldn't believe what I had found and if there was one thing I was certain of is that I was NOT going to fuck it up. 

Immediately I began distancing and completely ex communicating myself from guys I had any history with because this time it felt RIGHT it wasn't me doing all the leg work someone was willing to take half the weight off my shoulders and put in just as much effort as I was and I wasn't going to jeopardise that for anything or anyone.

However between all the sweet nothings and laughs on the phone there was one thing that stood in my mind, I proceeded to ask him questions about his previous dating history ( nothing too probing) simply when the last time he went on a date to which he told me 'I took a girl out to dinner when she went to the bathroom I left her' to which I was shocked I laughed nervously and said 'Why would you do that?' to which he replied 'My leg hurt and I couldn't be bothered so I left' something about those words made me feel slightly uneasy, wary and sceptical but at the same time my mind was thinking well that's her and not ME so I have nothing to worry about look how into me he is he'd never do that to me...little did I know then how I should have taken those words into far more consideration than I had done.

So we decided to meet up. He told me he had a party to go to in the evening and I was feeling pretty ill, so I suggested me went for a drive to get to know each other better and wasn't too intense or tied down. He turned up and he had bought me a card and a bear ( I had jokingly asked him to bring them for me so I was fucking surprised when he actually had done I wasn't being serious at all). I actually couldn't believe he had gone out of his way to do that for me already for a pretty much complete stranger, usually I would have found something like that as creepy as the next person but instead it came across as endearing and simply very sweet natured. We drove around for a while talking, laughing and suddenly a car pulled out of a parking bay nearly colliding straight into us immediately he reached for his seat belt to get out of the car to which I said 'Relax its ok your car is fine don't get out'  and he replied 'No its not that, if that car had pulled out any faster that would have been your legs gone completely'.

I was in complete amazement. He actually cared about me more than his car? Really? I mean as shallow as that sounds we all know a young mans prized possession is his boy racer  and with that the words of him leaving that girl in the restaurant was pushed further back in my mind. On our way back he realised I was becoming increasingly ill so he pulled into the petrol station and bought me a pack of cough sweets not just one, one in each flavour because he 'Didn't know what flavour I liked'. 

Now I seriously believed this guy was sent from heaven a gift from God for me generally being a bad ass for the previous years of my existence.

Before we left I hugged him goodbye and as I got out the car I nearly said 'I love you' now can you believe that, in a matter of weeks he had already made me feel like he was worthy of me saying those words.

From then things only got better, he came over and met my parents who like me loved him instantly, I met his family who were also as loving of me as my parents were to him. We went on days out, he bought he flowers he even got my initials tattooed on him. 

He told me I was beautiful, had a great smile, was down to earth the most genuine person he had ever met and had never made so much effort with anyone else.

I finally felt I was worthy.

I was completely in.

However as much as so many people were happy for me my sister and best friend were wary they would say to me 'Don't you think its weird that hes doing all of this' etc. and of course when anyone is  'in love' we don't want to hear the objections, we don't feel that we need to justify something you know is so 'true' and 'real' quite frankly its none of their business and that's one thing I came to regret deeply and was one of the things that lead me into a spiral of deep depression in the aftermath of the relationship.

At one  point I did text him and ask 'Don't you think this is moving to fast' to which he replied 'No I like it don't you' and because he had already done so much and gave me no reason to doubt him I replied

 'Yeah I do'.